That's the only thing I can conclude as I spend more time in the emergency department. Anyone who's ever worked in the ED knows exactly the kind of patient I'm talking about. They're usually male. When you first meet him, he usually reeks of alcohol. He's managed to get blood, dirt, or both all over himself, is still actively bleeding from at least one or two places, and always has to pee. He often requires at least stitches and x-rays, often more than that. His story inevitably begins with "I was just minding my own business, when all of a sudden..." Also, as a rule, they only had "a couple of beers". Never mind the blood alcohol level sufficient to give an elephant a decent buzz, it was two beers. Honest.
I saw this guy last night, but not in the ER. It was an interesting experience. It starts with the Iron & Wine show at the Gallivan Center. Ash likes em a lot so we went to the show. Afterward, she had to run to work and I'm waiting by the Carl's Jr. downtown to meet up with my friends who are my ride home. As I'm waiting I see a fight break out on the street corner. The details of how it happens are similar to most other fights I've seen. One guy calls another guy's girl a blankety blankin' blanker. That guy's having none of it, some gesturing, a slew of F-bombs and other choice words, some posturing and chest-puffing as the two meat heads inch closer and closer neither really wanting to fight, both unwilling to back down. Eventually there is no space between them and they're so close that you wonder if they're going to fight or kiss each other. Inevitably, one bumps the other. The other guy pushes back, some jostling, some punches, girls screaming, dumbasses hooting and egging it on. You get the idea. The interesting thing to me about this fight was that the little guy was clearly the victor. He was probably the instigator initially--he said something to insult the other guy's girl--but the big guy threw the first punch. The little guy happened to land one just right and dropped the bigger guy like a rock, and as they say, big tree fall hard.
I saw the big guy fall, but due to the surrounding crowd, I couldn't see how he landed. Naturally, I continue to move closer to the action and when I get close enough, I see the big guy face down on the sidewalk with a fairly impressive pool of blood accumulating on the pavement. Perfect. In situations like this, I know that odds are I've got more medical training than anyone in the immediate vicinity and I feel obligated to take a look at the guy though I'm pretty sure there's little I can do for him outside of the hospital. Fortunately there are a couple of EMTs nearby that are johnny-on-the-spot and end up doing most of the work. One of the EMTs and I help this kid sit up so we can take a look at him and survey the damage. He's got a pretty good gash on his forehead that he likely got when he hit the pavement, but other than that he's okay. Fortunately, a cop happened to be driving by just as the fight broke out and the whole thing doesn't last more than a minute.
I gladly let the EMT take the lead on wrapping a shirt around this guy's head--I'm not anxious to touch the guy without gloves because in situations like this I can't help but wonder what incurable viruses might be living in this guy's blood. The cops get things under control and this guy's bleeding is reasonably controlled and he has plenty of booze on board to keep the pain to a minimum so I don't stick around long. I'm anxious to get home cause it's getting late and I had to work this morning.
I rolled in to my shift at 7 am. I was chatting with the docs who were on last night and just finishing up their shifts.
Me: Did you guys happen to see a drunk guy in his 20s with a big gash on his forehead last night?
Doc: Yep, how'd you know?
Me: I saw him get the crap kicked out of him last night.
I tell the story
Doc: That's funny. He told us he wrecked his bike and someone landed on him.
That's another classic from patients like this. No one comes in and says, "I got my ass beat by a guy half my size." They either got attacked by 3 guys who were huge or they had some sort of accident that would have happened even if they hadn't had those two beers. Way too unmanly to admit that you lost a one-on-one fight. I can't say I blame them for lying. I'd probably do it too.
Anywho, if you decide to mind your own business after you've had a couple of beers know that you're taking your life in your hands. Drink and mind wisely.
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3 comments:
so how was iron & wine?
The show was pretty good. He sounds pretty good live and has a pretty decent Jesus-look going on right now. Way too many people though. And it was hot. I realize that I'm getting old cause the givens of going to a show--lots of sweaty people, not being able to move without brushing up against several strangers, loud people who will do almost anything for attention--annoy me much more than they used to.
Wait, why didn't Ashley give you a ride home? I was distracted throughout the story after reading that part (or the lack of that part). And I was hoping that the fight actually broke out at the Iron and Wine concert. That would have been special.
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